Ok... this is something that's been eating in the back of my head for... oh... about as long as I can remember.
Two kids or Three???
I know... I know... I can barely wait to read the comments!
But it's been on my mind A LOT lately, so I thought I'd throw it out there to see just how horribly crazy I really am!
I come from a large family. I'm 4/5. All of my mother's family had a ton of kids. I grew up in this crazy, large group of people where Thanksgivings and Christmas and all holidays were chaotic, and I loved it! I knew I wouldn't have 5 kids, but I have always had this thing about the number 3. I know it's crazy, but it's my favorite number, and I have always operated under the assumption that I would have 3 kids.
Well... Cooper turned into more of a project than just having a baby. And then Gracie followed right afterwards... quite literally! I had my boy and girl and things were crazy and so I have been back and forth with it, but for awhile pretty much settled on the fact that I was done.
Adam on the other hand is the youngest of 2. His entire family is very small. Holidays at his house are peaceful and calm and quite honestly shocked me at first because I didn't know what to do with myself. I remember being with his family one Christmas and actually going to the movies. I had no idea they were even OPEN on Christmas day!!
So needless to say... he's always been pretty set on 2. Adam is as I call him a "square!" And I mean that as nicely as possible! :) It's the way he likes things. Organized, simple, classified. We're the perfect, little American family right now!
Things have been crazy around here for awhile. I'm always busy doing a million different things and with Cooper and Gracie being like twins, they're definitely a handful.
But we've hit that point. Just this week... we're pretty much done with diapers!! They had been wearing them at nighttime, but I just stopped and low and behold it's working so far! I'm sure we'll have our nights, but I'm not going to putting them on them anymore!
After summer, they'll both be in school 5 days a week. I'm beginning my career as a coach. Life is great!
BUT... I can't help but feel that little missing link. :)
I've been told that it will be that way for awhile. That I'll get around those sweet little babies and think... ahhh... I want one, but then the moment will pass. But I can't help but to think it's a little more than that!
I know this sounds crazy too, but when I envision myself at Thanksgiving with my family when my kids are college or beyond, I just still imagine 3 kids. 2 just seems boring! I have no idea why, but it does.
But the thing is that it isn't like I want to give up the rest of my life. I like working part-time, and I am kind of serious about triathlon. I'd love to maybe get up to elite status one day, and am afraid that now that I'm already almost 30, if I took some time to have another baby, I may miss my opportunity.
But then the other side thinks I could do it. I could buy another baby jogger (Single this time instead of double) and just be one of "those" moms. But I really do like my new found freedom of the fact that I don't have to watch my kids at every given second. They can go up and down the stairs freely and play around the house or out in the backyard while I do my thing on the computer or ride the trainer or what not.
Of course I'm not thinking about this year... I've got my 70.3 Worlds coming up! But... I just don't know.
I'm even watching my nephew today and the "yes I do", "no I don't" moments are shifting every second it seems! :)
So I don't want to regret NOT having my third, but I know that's not reason enough to have another as well. And there's that part of me that doesn't want to NOT have another baby for triathlon just in case I could actually be good one day, when that may never happen either!
My question is... Am I just going through that stage of my babies aren't babies anymore???
HELP!!
K :)
P.S. Adam if you are reading this... your comments will all be marked as biased!! :)
11 comments:
James and I have been having the same debate for about two months now. And we have FOUR! But, he does point out that none are biologically mine, and he wants to be sure that I don't feel like I've missed out of that part of my life.
The selfish part of me goes: We'll be 'empty nesters' by 40. They'll all be grown. Off to college, military, or wherever their lives take them. We, will be able to travel. We'll get to be adults without kids. If we were to get pregnant now, we'd be empty nesters by 50. That's a big difference.
The other half of me wants one, bad. I've never dealt with a newborn. Carter was already 11 1/2 months when I started coming around. And, for the next 1 1/2 years, it was 'just' every other weekend. By the time I was Mama, they were all potty trained and two in elementary school.
I'm no help. LOL.
Just so you know... I SO wanted to adopt a little girl when mine growed up and moved out of the house :-) We can't have anymore anyways. I did have to beg Dee Dee a little bit for our third, but what's important is that both of you are on the same page as far as babies go. Fulfilling your dreams in life, family, triathlon is so important, and kids is something you share with your spouse. Together, you guys will make the right decision for you.
P.S. I think you'll always miss the little baby feeling :-) Volunteer at a day care!!! LOL!!! Kids are even better when you can give them back to their parents!!
Craziest thing happened today on the way home from work. I got in a car accident, and the only way the fire department could get me out of the car was to do an emergency vasectomy on the side of the road.
Would you buy that story?
You want a third child and I want an airplane. We already have two kids. How many planes do we have? Maybe we should compromise and get a boat....
Here's how I see it:
You will never ever regret having a baby. But you very well might regret not having one, you know? No one ever says "man, I wish I'd never had this baby" lol.
I'm the oldest of five - I love being one of five too! And I have three.. I fought hard for the third because my hub is one of two as well.. but I needed my girl.
Three made life a lot harder financially. But I have never for an instant regretted it. You have lots of time to decide though! See how you feel come December :) I still get that feeling when I hold a newborn.. maybe just one more, but deep down I know I'm done.
Oh boy. I will say this: You have a LOT of time to decide. So, first, don't feel rushed. I know, even at 37, that I could have another one if I wanted to (we wanted to). It is a tough decision. I knew after our twins, that we were DONE. IF Jerome pushed for another, I would have done it...but we both felt this "peace" this completion after the twins and I never had any pings or sadness when they were out of diapers OR anything. So, that is how I know I am done. However, if you still have that ping, that it is something you and Adam have to discuss...and see if you can start a new phase in your life (working, kids w/o diapers, in school 5 days/week) and see how that goes for you for a bit...Since you are only 30...you have a LONG time to make your decision....Sorry, I am starting to ramble...but just my thoughts! :) Jen H.
We had 2 girls and I REALLY wanted a third child. Bill (husband) said two was enough. I said,"Oh, but maybe it will be a boy"...he agreed to try 1 more time. He REALLY wanted a boy. Lucky for me it was a boy b/c I don't think I would have ever lived it down.
My kids are all 2yrs 9 mos apart. I thought that when Ryan ws 2 I might start getting the bug to have another...NO WAY! I knew I was done...no doubt in my mind.
If you think you may want another, you probably do - and you don't want to go through life thinking what if...just my opinion.
Promise me...no babies until after WORLDS!
Enjoy thinking about catching the bug! We have been "done" for 2 years now, and though Andrew has made many appointments with the urologist to be you-know-what, we always cancel them a week before the procedure...and think, "Well let's not make it so permanent yet." So, I guess we are going on two years of indecision and I am not a good person to give advice! I think you'd be a great Mom of three and that you are a great Mom of two.
3 is a odd number so heck if you go for 3 you should really go for 4 to even them out...so they all will have partners to pair up with....you know that is why I have so many kids right??? KIDDING...But I will say this..going from 1 to 2 kids was a huge change...but going from 2 to 3...not a biggie and adding the 4th what the heck a piece of cake :)....REALLY I AM A WALKING STRESS BALL :)HA! I say go for it....
You and your family are seriously so adorable and you seem like a great mom... why not add one more into your family!
I say you will know in your heart whether or not to go ahead and proceed with the baby making process..
I agree with Rach totally, no child is of yours will be a mistake, only the thought of possibly wanting on that you never had could feel like something you missed out on. Even my lil' surprise with Kainoa is the BEST thing ever.
I truly believe that if something is on your mind more than a few times here and there, but really on your mind, it is your hearts way of telling you to make it happen or do something about it...
I grew up in a BIG family too and only having one is lonely... the MORE the betta baby! Hey, they can be fun to make too right!?
This entry reminded me of being in Florida and meeting your family and thinking "OMG! Kellye has two kids!! She's like MY age!" Then I realized that I was actually old enough to have kids!
My mom was 35 when she started having kids. So I am sure that you have plenty of time left in 'ya!
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