Oprah-ology

Let me begin this post by saying that I'm honestly not an Oprah follower. I can not tell you the last time I saw her show, and I've not once purchased one of her magazines... until today. Not to say that I am anti-Oprah. I think she does a lot of good for this world. I do think that people get WAY too involved in her though. As if she is preaching some sort of gospel, and so I guess I just kind of tuned out of it all.

Backing up...I'll give you a little background info about me. I've always been considered a smart person, but people are smart in different ways. Adam is this logical sort of person. He's one of those people that can figure out all of those crazy word problems by reasoning his way through them. Me... I'm book smart. I read it, study it, and absorb information as it's given to me. I'm not entirely a follower. I can do my share of thinking outside of the box. But, if there is a situation where there is a formula, or a step-by-step process to solving things... THAT is my kind of problem! Tell me HOW to do something, and man, I'll do it 100%. If it's something I'm really interested in and passionate about, then yes... I can employ my own reasoning and get creative with it, but for the most part, I'm a list kind of gal!

So that is how I for the most part approach life. Give me a problem or situation, I'll figure out what the steps are to fixing it/completing my desired task, and I'll get it done. Typical type-A, semi OCD type of person! :) Aren't most of us triathletes??

But nobody is perfect, and everyone has their issues. Everyone has their problems that keep popping up throughout our lives. Because though I believe life isn't always fair, I think it's that way for everyone. We're all going to have our good moments and bad, and though our problems may be different, I think it all evens out in the end.

For me... One of my major problems...Food. Oh, and even writing it is frustrating. I had even gotten to the point that I told myself I would no longer write about food/nutrition on my blog because I was so sick and tired of dealing with it, I figured the people who are kind enough to read my blog must be as well! :)

It has honestly been a struggle for me for half of my life. I turned 30 this year, and I know from at least the age of 15 that I've had food choices, good or bad, on my mind almost daily. Oh how I wish I was one of those people that naturally loved my fruits and veggies. Someone who could eat a little cake every once in awhile and have my fill. But for whatever reason, I'm just not. Just as some people don't choose to become alcoholics or addictive gamblers, I never chose to use food as my drug of choice. It's just the thing I turn to for comfort. But I can't NOT eat. And gosh, "bad" food is absolutely everywhere. It is so easy to fall right back into all of those temptations.

You'd think as a triathlete, that would be reason enough for me. I guess it's my saving grace honestly because I workout enough to hide the fact that I have my moments in life where one donut just doesn't cut it. But, those moments don't make me happy. They pacify me for the time being, but overall add up to what ultimately makes me feel worse about it.

So being that I'm a person that likes my formulas, it wasn't that hard for me to make the decision to lose 5lbs before Clearwater and get it done. It certainly wasn't easy. Losing weight never is. But in the grand scheme of things, I figured out my plan, followed it at about 90% and achieved my goal!

But then things changed. I tapered for Clearwater and then moved from working out all of the time and being focused on my goal to nothing and trying to chill. Change isn't really an issue for me, but not having a plan is. My "plan" was to try and relax with the whole food thing. To take some time off from denying myself and splurge. Well, when the doors opened, the floods came in! Not everyday has been bad since. But, it has been a REAL struggle for the past month to get back on the wagon.

I smoked in college, and I feel like I'm trying to quit all over again! Oh... what's just one. And then, no... no more, ever! Those are my back and forth moments! And honestly, it is exhausting me and stressing me out to no end lately.

Ok... so I know what you are thinking... Make your plan and start following it today. And I've done it now maybe 3-4 times in the past month. For whatever reason, maybe because I'm getting older, or it's Christmas, or I don't know, it hasn't stuck yet.

So finally this week it really caught up with me. I've been really busy trying to keep up with school functions for the kids, christmas shopping, visiting Santa, working, you name it. And it's just made it that much harder for me to get back into that routine that I trust and know so well. Throw on top of that all of the emotional drain from stressing about me and my nutrition, and it's just all been a little too much! :)

So as I was running yesterday, I thought about the fact that maybe I was being too hard on myself, which is something that is typical of me. :) Maybe I needed to accept the fact that what I was experiencing emotionally was all part of the process, and by accepting that, things would sort of all fall into place.

Well today I woke up so tired. I didn't want to work out. I didn't really feel like doing anything. I knew and could feel that I just needed some sort of spark. Something that would bring the light back into me to make me realize what was truly important to me. I was playing around on the computer and came across an article about Oprah and her new magazine cover.

On it, Oprah is proclaiming that she is back up to 200lbs. And we all know and have witnessed Oprah yo-yo back and forth with her weight for many, many years. The article I read actually almost mocked her. How can someone with the resources to have personal chefs, personal trainers, Dr's, etc not be able to maintain weight loss. I mean she is obviously not your typical, lazy american. The woman has built herself into a mega-empire for goodness sake! She must have some sort of drive in her! But for whatever reason, she just can't nail the food thing.

I felt the need to read her article. To get her perspective on what her thoughts were in going through what appeared to be a similar process that I myself was going through. I thought even if I didn't agree with her, maybe I'd at least protest it enough to the point that it would give me the ignition I was looking for!

So while out tonight with the family, I picked up my first copy of O magazine and read just the article written about her weight gain tonight after I got into bed. Immediately, I felt somewhat overwhelmed. Though a lot in the article didn't relate to me, i.e. she suffers from a thyroid problem, her discussion of the constant battle with food and her not-so-healthy relationship with it was as if I could have written some of it myself.

I had a friend email me about food actually just this week, and I was feeling so crappy about it that I haven't even emailed her back yet because I wasn't quite sure what to say. In her email, she appealed to me as to having similar eating issues and wanted to know how I'd overcome them. Well the answer to that is that I haven't obviously. And like Oprah, I'm not sure I ever will. But rather than trying to see it as a battle that needs to be won and then I can move on with my life, I guess I'm realizing that it is just apart of who I am. We don't exercise to loose weight and then quit. When you start exercising, you have to keep it up to stay healthy and fit. Well at least for me, eating right is that way too. It's a daily decision to make the right choices.

Some people can have an off-season. Where they step away from that decision making process and give it a rest for awhile. But for me, there will be no more off-season. It just needs to be a lifestyle decision for me. That is the only thing that has ever worked, and I need to just accept that. Now, I'm not saying that I've given up junk forever. I mean, that would be silly. But, giving myself the opportunity to enjoy a treat is one thing. Giving myself the opportunity to eat "whatever I want" for several weeks is a whole other ball game, and one I've realized, I can't win!

In saying all of this, I want to be clear on a few things. First of all, I don't believe I have any sort of an eating disorder. I think what I suffer with a lot of other women, perfectly normal women, go through as well. I'm not anorexic. I'm not bulimic, and I have what I believe is a relatively good understanding of food. I know WHAT to do. I know HOW to eat well. Because I honestly believe that it is all very common sense. I don't buy into anything that is all crazy sounding! You've got some people that are anti-dairy. Some that are anti-grain. I don't know everything there is to know with the science of all of that, but I do know that there are very healthy, fit individuals that live life extremely well by using the basic common sense knowledge of eating a lot of fruits and vegetables and limiting as much processed foods from their diets as possible. No secret formula. No secrets in when or even necessarily how much of that food should be taken in, just clean eating!

So it's time again for me to start practicing what I preach! Just like Oprah... I must not only talk- the- talk, but walk-the-walk! I've had my spark, and I can just feel that I know deep down, what not just I NEED to do, but WANT to do. I'm sure I'll have my moments where one of those donuts REALLY sounds good. But having a deeper understanding of your true hopes and dreams, ,makes those temptations a lot easier to deal with. And though I've never really lost site of them, I let them get buried just a little too deep in this down process, and I'm now back to my old self again! :)

So if you've made it this far in reading this, I hope it may have somehow helped you. Adam was skeptical about my writing this for fear that people may see it as a negative. How will people respect me as an athlete and coach especially if they see that I struggle with nutrition. Well... I hope that it is actually a positive thing. Because it proves that everyone has their "stuff." I'm sure all athletes and coaches of all levels struggle with certain things, but that doesn't take away from what they are capable of doing when they really work through all of that stuff and get done what they need to get done. I'd rather people know that I'm a real human being, and yeah, I might be this little person, but it comes from a lot of hard work, and not something that I just magically have and they don't, and therefore, with hard work and dedication and a TRUE desire too, they could have it as well.

Good luck to you with your struggles! May we all be true to our true-selves! :)