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Monday, November 1, 2010

Failing to Plan

I had big workout plans this weekend. Well, big plans for me these days. Saturday I made an appt. with a trainer to help me construct a functional strength plan to rebuild my body from what it's been put through this past year. That I actually accomplished, and it went really well. I had also planned on riding my trainer on Saturday as well, followed by what would be my longest run to date on Sunday. But... an SI issue that I've had in the past has reappeared causing me to rethink my plans. No trainer rides for about the next month or so, and the running I'm playing by ear. However, the strength training went so well on Saturday that I could barely walk on Sunday, so that run was cancelled as well.

So I woke up this morning ready to get back on track! Cohen ended up sleeping late, something that I will NEVER complain about I swear for as long as I live :), and after we finished our morning routine, we headed to the gym. After 15 min on an upright bike, just when I was starting to feel really good, my pager started beeping. I went in to check on him, and he was having a melt down. He shouldn't have been tired or hungry. He just didn't want to be there. He's a definite momma's boy, and I did what I knew was best, which was take him home. So once again... the plan had changed.

You see, for some reason, going to the gym just isn't working into Cohen's routine. Well maybe it's that in addition to the other errands we run in the afternoon. Regardless, whenever I plan things out these days, something happens and things fall through, and it's getting frustrated.

My life is full right now. Actually, maybe even a little bit TOO full, and for me to even acknowledge that is something. :) For as long as I can remember I have always enjoyed taking on challenges and even thrived on it a bit. And I've always equated a good bit of my success to the ability to manage my time very well and plan ahead. However, I feel as if all of that planning is actually getting in the way these days.

People do all sorts of things in an effort to plan ahead and be prepared. Grocery shop and cook meals on Sunday for the week ahead. Set out clothes for the next morning. Plan out their workouts for the week or their schedule. And there certainly is some validity to methods like these. But sometimes, the best thing you can do is just go with the flow. And that is actually really funny to me because though I sometimes like to think of myself as a go with the flow type of person, Adam will tell you that I'm anything but! :) I'm more of a Plan A, B,C, D and E type of person.

But all of this planning is mentally wearing me down. As I set there rocking my sweet baby to sleep tonight thinking about the day and how I once again didn't get a workout in today, I was trying to come up with a new plan. And, I thought ok, "I'll workout on these nights. Adam can workout on these nights. I'll run here, bike there, and squeeze in swims when I can." And then it occurred to me. That's what I'm tired of. "Squeezing" things in. So I made a mental decision that immediately provided me with a ton of relief. I let a bunch of stuff go. No more planning for awhile. I'm seriously going to take it day-by-day, hour-by-hour if I have to. I'm convinced that I'll accomplish what is really important to me...naturally. Because it's what I WANT to do. And you know, if it's something that just doesn't happen for awhile, well then maybe that's my answer about it's place in my life right now.

I'm sick of worrying about when I'm going to get in the workouts, trying to plan nutritous meals, when I will find time to walk the dogs, etc. I'm going to try to just trust myself for once that I can manage it just by doing it, and if I nail it 80-90% of the time, well that should be good enough for now. Just by letting go of all the worrying and spinning and planning and re-planning, I figure that should free up plenty enough time. :)

I'm not where I want to be physically right now. Not even close. But forcing it isn't working, so it's time to give Patience a try for a change. It's something I'm definitely not good at, but we'll see how it goes.

So tomorrow I can tell you that my kids do not have school due to it being election day. It's supposed to rain and suddenly turn 50 degrees, which is really cold for us! :) I know I'll spend time with my children and get done whatever I can around the house. I'll hopefully get in at least a 30 min run, and make the best decision I can about dinner. If I can accomplish that, I'll consider tomorrow a success and anything in addition to that will just be icing on the cake! Wishing you all a happy one and a day full of everything that is most important to you. :)

1 comments:

Dawn said...

Loved reading your post. How's your week going? Hope it is going smoothly and you are feeling less stressed! I learned this same lesson that you are going through... for me it was between the time of baby #1 and baby #2, after I got really sick with my ulcerative colitis. I had to slow down and change my world so I wouldn't stress out so much. It still isn't easy, but living each day without too much perfect planning makes things better for me. Slowing down and living each day in the moment... and yes, you will be able to accomplish things that are now important to you. I still have my crazy-run-around-days, but I still manage to find some "me" time in there somewhere... I just might not have the cleanest house all the time or have all the laundry done perfectly. That's ok! It's a good thing!! And you will get to your goals... just like you said, patience! Hope you are having days filled with what is most important to you! :) Such a good mommy - take care!!