A New Beginning

If you have followed me in life over the past several years, you know that blogging definitely was not high on my priority list for awhile. :) I created a blog after competing in Ironman Florida in 2007 because it seemed like a great way to "meet" and communicate with others who shared my passion of triathlon, and the response I received was amazing! I've loved communicating with and sharing experiences with others from all over the country, and I feel that I've made some real friends through my blog.

From late 2007-2008 I enjoyed blogging about my experiences as a mother, wife, triathlete and ultimately a coach! It was fun and a community in which I felt I was a part of a group. However, beginning the 2009 season I found myself burnt-out and tired, which was not a good position to be in as I had planned on making that my biggest triathlon season yet competing in Ironman Wisconsin and Ironman Florida. In addition to my already somewhat depleted spirit and body, I experienced one of my most difficult moments in life ever in February of 2009. My father passed away suddenly from a heart attack.

Initially I was of course stricken with grief. Losing a parent is an incredibly difficult and complicated process. I believe that it affected me in ways that I wasn't even fully aware of at the time and may still not be. Life continues to move forward, even without our loved ones, and I attempted to continue with my life at that time as planned. However, Ironman training is exceptionally taxing on one's life. It places a great amount of stress on your mind, body, family, etc. and that is when you have no real additional stress to add to the equation. It requires a great amount of support from your family, job, friends. You pretty much need to have all your ducks in a row before embarking on an Ironman training plan. :) And heading into a 2 Ironman season while dealing with a widowed mother, changing family dynamics, and a heavy heart is definitely not an ideal equation. Therefore I spent the season ill, injured, and mentally not in the game. I pushed myself to the starting line of Ironman Wisconsin, but at too much of a cost and found myself unable to finish the race. My first DNF, and it saddens me to this day. I was prepared to have a decent day physically, but mentally was not there. I realize that now. From there I pretty much checked out completely and when I found myself ill yet again in October, I made the decision to end my season early and withdraw from the Ironman Florida race. This proved to be one of my best decisions to date.

Upon making the decision to take a real break from training for a bit, I began to reevaluate other aspects of my life. Adam and I had always pondered the question of a third child. At times I very much wanted another, and at other times (typically when the two I already had were driving me crazy :) I thought there was no way. However, I began really questioning the issue at that time because with an already 5 and 6 year old, I felt like time was approaching to make a final decision on this issue. In that month of October 2009, Adam and I had decided to really think things over. Well, life has a way at times of figuring things out for itself, and it was in that month that I became pregnant with our third child! Something that would not have happened had I decided to proceed with the IM Florida plans, and so I am beyond grateful for being led in the right direction.

I was excited to be expecting again of course! My first two pregnancies had their own share of difficulties. Cooper was brought about to some degree through fertility measures and therefore I was exceptionally cautious as far as exercise was concerned with his pregnancy. I became pregnant with Gracie only 8 weeks after delivering Cooper and decided to be cautious with her as well with the suddenness between the two. So I wasn't one of those "fit, cute" pregnant mamas with them if you know what I mean. :) I had visions of being just that this time around, and once again I realized that sometimes life has plans of its own.

My third pregnancy ended up being the most difficult of them all. I began the pregnancy up 10 lbs from my IM Wisconsin weight. Coming off of the race with a DNF I was hungry and somewhat depressed and so chocolate and french fries were part of my daily staples. :) As soon as I became pregnant I experienced some horrible morning sickness. And it unfortunately lasted for 22 LONG weeks! I tried to exercise when I could. I ran a few times and walked some. I remember swimming once, but wasn't really a fan. I guess because it was my 3rd child my stomach popped from the moment the plus sign showed up and made exercising even that more difficult. Once the morning sickness finally wore off, I was enormous and started having some difficulties. For whatever reason every time I would walk, even easily, I would experience bleeding. So the Dr's said no more exercising. By 28-29 weeks I started having blood pressure issues and was on some form of bed rest from 30 weeks on. I swelled like a beached whale and packed on pounds at a rate I didn't think possible. By 37 weeks I had developed a mild form of pre-eclampsia, I was on full bed rest, and had gained a whopping 80lbs since towing that starting line at IM WI just 10 months earlier!! Good thing I deliver all of my children early and my new sweet baby was born at 37 weeks.

Cohen James Mills was born on July 4th weighing 7lbs, 4oz. He is the final puzzle piece that completes our Mills family. :)

So that in a longer version that I intended of course sums up my life during my blogging absence. I consider myself for the most part to be a very happy person, and when I was struggling with really difficult times in life and there weren't happy things to write about I just didn't feel like writing at all.

But now I feel like all of that is behind me! I'm still of course saddened by my father's absence daily, but time has proven to help me move beyond those initial stages of grief and to make him a presence in my life in other ways. Cohen has brought new energy to my life as well, which brings me to an entirely new phase. One that I'm beyond excited about!

It's been 3 months since Cohen's birth, and I have an incredible journey ahead of me. :) I ran 3 miles today at an avg pace of 11:30 min/mile and was thrilled! This believe it or not is a huge improvement from even 5 days ago, so I accepted it as the success that it was. It sure is a far cry from where I left off, but I know that I will get back to where I was + meet new PRs. And more importantly I have so many wonderful experiences to look forward to with Cohen and Cooper and Gracie as we begin the journey of raising another baby and doing so with older children as well.

And so 2 years ago it was my goal to be the best mother, wife, coach, and triathlete that I could possibly be. Now, that is the same goal + 1. More difficult...probably. Different...yes. But worth every minute of it I'm sure! :)

I found myself wanting to begin this blog again. We'll see how it goes. Life is busy and I am honestly not sure how often I will be able to post, but we tend to find time for things that we enjoy and find meaningful, and so we shall see. If it's a success, great, and if not, well... there's always facebook! :)